You're Not Alone
by LunaJay07
Summary: A/U, Mpreg. It was the end of BTR and they're moving on; but after tragedy strikes and they're each others only hope of survival, James finds himself closer to Kendall then he ever imaged. When all hope seems lost, the band is rescued and go their separate ways, but the damage is already done. Now James is left alone with more than just a memory of what happened. Kames/Cargan
1. The End

**You're Not Alone**

**Pairing:** Kames (James/Kendall) possible Cargan (Carlos/Logan)  
**Rating:** M  
**Warning:** Swearing, slash, sexual content, Mpreg  
**Summary:** A/U, Mpreg. It was the end of BTR. The Boys were ready to move on. They could barely stand to be together for a second longer; but after tragedy strikes and they're each others only hope of survival, James finds himself closer to Kendall then he ever imaged. When all hope seems lost, the band is rescued and go their separate ways, but the damage is already done. Now James is left alone with more than just a memory of what happened. Kames/Cargan

**Author Note:** My first BTR Mpreg. I've done two others before (Jonas Brothers) and people loved them, so I thought I'd give it a try. This isn't your normal fluffy Mpreg. There's drama, trauma, and lots of plot twists so expect the unexpected! James and Logan will be the Mpregs! I know the Logan Mpreg seems odd in a Cargan pairing, but trust me, it goes with the plot!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Big time Rush

**Chapter 1: The End**

As the last light dimmed, the curtain closed and the screams were silent, one lone figure stood alone on the empty stage. The band had said their goodbyes; the crew had taken down the set for the last time and loaded it into the vans to be put up for auction while the fans slowly drifted back to their own lives.

It was dark. Silent. Dead.

It was over.

For eight years, this had been their life. His life. He had grown up on the road. This was his dream. This was his passion. This was what he was meant to do.

Now they were throwing it away.

He sighed as he took a seat at the end of the stage and stared out into the empty arena. The silence was like death to his ears. He already missed the screams, the shouts, the 'I love you' of the fans. He closed his eyes trying to remember the feel of the bass vibrating the stage below his feet, the electricity that ran through him when the first few chords wailed from the guitar and the beat of the drum that he swore his heart had adapted as the adrenaline pumped through his veins.

But what he missed the most was being able to look over his shoulder at any given time to find that he wasn't alone. He was never alone, until now.

"James! What are you doing out here?" a shrill voice broke through the silence as the sound of heels clicking across wood crept closer and closer until they stopped just behind him, 'We've been looking all over for you! You're going to miss your flight."

"I'll catch the next one," James shrugged not bothering to move.

"There isn't going to be a next one! We need to leave! Now!"

James looked up at the women who stared him down. He knew she would not give up. Not when her boss sent her on this mission to find him and bring him back. This was going to be the last time she ever had to do so.

Jumping to his feet, he hurried over to the women who turned to walk away, thinking he would follow only to find herself wrapped in his muscular arms instead, "I'm going to miss you, Kelly," James admitted. She patted him on the back with a sigh, "I'm going to miss you too, James," before he finally let go and let her lead him out to the car without another word.

The others were already at the cars waiting impatiently as they approached. They were talking away amongst each other stopping only to complain about his tardiness, but James ignored them as he crawled into the backseat, his ear buds snuggly in his ear as he bobbed his head slightly to the beat. Upon seeing his deaf ears, they returned back to their previous conversation, completely unaware that the ear bud jack hung loosely at James' side, unattached to any electronic device.

"About time he decided to show up," Carlos grumbled laying his head against the headrest and closing his eyes.

"Are we going to leave or what?" Logan shouted at the driver.

"Dude, it's a private jet. It's not going anywhere," Kendall raised an oversized eyebrow before his diverting his attention back to his phone where he continued texting.

"I have to be at for seven o'clock in the morning, which is less than seven hours a way. This is a three and a half hour flight so this plane needs to be in the air in eighty-five minutes, which it takes fifty minutes to travel to the airport without traffic add on another five minutes to get out of the car, ten minutes to check our luggage, another fifteen minutes to pass security, add on an extra five minutes for Carlos getting lost."

"I won't get lost."

"You always get lost."

"Ten minutes for us to board the plane and in our seats. Then another twenty minutes for the pilot to go through the checklist and wait for clearance and who knows what can happen with five minutes to spare!"

"Logan relax. We're supposed to be back in L.A by five-thirty," Kendall assured him. "That gives you an hour and half to get there."

"It's an hour drive!" Logan growled sending James a death glare, which the hazel-eyed brunette pretended he didn't notice. "We should have left over an hour ago."

"Dude! You're not the only one starting a new life! I have my hockey tryouts tomorrow and Carlos," Kendall stopped for a moment to look at the Latino, "Are you really going to fire school to be a firefighter?"

Carlos nodded, "Yea. My dad's a cop remember? He put in a good word for me."

Kendall and Logan both looked at each other before shrugging, "The only one who has nothing better to do tomorrow is James," the blond continued as if he were trying to make his point.

James huffed at the statement, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared out the window continuing to nod his head to the beat of his so-called friends throwing his dreams away and tossing him aside like he was last year's toy.

"Guys, I think he heard you," he heard Carlos whisper softly, but the other two couldn't care less.

"Who cares? He ruined it for himself," Logan seethed.

"He ruined it for all of us," Kendall added.

James couldn't help, but let a single tear run down his face. They were right. He knew they were right. This was all, his fault. He was the reason their careers were ending.

Just like Logan had predicted, they were taking off eighty minutes later. The four boys were scattered through out the small private aircraft, neither talking to one another. Kendall had his laptop on his tray in front of him, Skyping Jo. Logan sat a few seats behind him, fast asleep while Carlos was bouncing around the plane video tapping their last trip together as a band.

Too tired to think about the end any longer, James closed his eyes calling out for the darkness to take him.

James was pulled form his sleep from a gut retching feeling. He opened his eyes, but darkness still surrounded him. The sound was deafening as he covered his ears with his hands, blinking his eyes as he forced them to adjust to the loss of the light. The lights flickered, lighting up the plane briefly and he remembered they were thirty thousand feet in the air. It was dark again and his chest felt heavy. The plane was loosing oxygen. He felt around for the mask hoping the emergency devices had engaged. He felt the plastic bag and grasped it in his hands, yanking it to his face, gasping deeply for the oxygen it offered as he secured the elastic band around his head.

The lights flickered again and he looked up in time to see Kendall across from him. Green eyes met hazel for a matter of seconds before it went dark. James wanted to call out to him, but it was no use. He couldn't hear anything. He couldn't see anything. He could smell though.

It was the worst smell you could think of when trapped on an aircraft flying a mile high, the smell of thick smoke lingering in the air from somewhere behind. He didn't dare to look back, afraid to see the golden flames dances up the sides of the aircraft creeping closer to his impending death. He wasn't sure what would be worst, dying on impact, or burning to death. If he had a choice, he would choose the former, hoping he would at least have a slight chance of surviving a crash depending on where they landed. Though he knew they're was no way of getting out of this. This was definitely not how it was supposed to end.

James' stomach dropped as the plane dipped dramatically. He knew this was it. This was the last few moments of his life. They were going down and there was no way to stop it. His knuckles were white as he gripped the bottom of his seat and he pulled his legs up to his chest, tears streaming down his face as he mumbled words that were lost to his own ears.

The sound of crunching metal hit his ears as the plane began to twist. James felt like a rag doll being tossed from side the side, the seatbelts no longer capable of restraining him as he held his arms in front of his face, trying to shield it from the impact. Something hard, hit him from behind, causing him to cry out as a sharp pain shot up through his right side, rendering him breathless.

He was certain that death had overcome him as the pain ceased to exist and his ears fell deaf to the world, but it all came crashing back to him in one epic finale as he felt himself being yanked through space. The last thing he remembered was looking up. The ceiling was no longer complete blackness, but dotted with billions of twinkling lights. It was a beautiful way to die. Then it all went dark again.

**Author Note:** What do you guys think? Should I continue?

XX

Also please check out my friend Jess', **RusherSchmidt007, **new story, **The One That Got Away... Or Did He?**. It's her first BTR fic and she has some great ideas for it. You can find it in my profile under my favorite stories!

_**The One That Got Away... Or Did He? -**__Kendall is happily in love with his boyfriend, Carlos, but when his estrange father shows up out of nowhere announcing that he is the future King of Eastmon, all his future plans with Carlos are thrown out the window, and he must choose between the life he was destined to live and take over the kingdom or fight for the one he was forced to leave behind. Slash.__** Kenlos/Kames/Jagan **_


	2. Alone

**Author Note: **Wow! Just want to say thank you guys for the amazing feedback. Wasn't expecting that much interest for the first chapter! So thank you for reading/reviewing/following/favoriting.

Sorry it took so long for chapter two. I was trying to decide how to write this. I was contemplating if I should write it scene by scene from the plane crash up the Mpreg, but I'm impatient so I decided to write it a different way. I hope you guys like it!

_**Italics are flashbacks!**_

**Chapter 2: Alone**

James opened his eyes, cringing as he saw darkness around him. He closed them again, covering his ears trying to drown out the annoying nagging noise that echoed through his ears. Suddenly, a bright light engulfed him. He rolled over, trying to hide from it, but two surprisingly strong arms rolled him back over onto his back.

"Seriously, James. What's the point of owning an alarm clock, if you're never going to use it?"

"Go away, Katie!" James groaned rolling back over and wrapping his arms around his soft pillow refusing to get up. "It's only five in the morning."

"C'mon, James. You need to go the gym, shower, eat breakfast and be at the shoot in less than three hours and you're already fifteen minutes behind schedule."

"Do we have to go to every photo shoot?"

The doe eyed brunette rolled her eyes as she stood beside his bed in her power suit, one hand on her hip, while her other held her iPhone, his daily itinerary opened on the screen, "You're the new face of Cuda. I've been working my butt off these last three months to get you there. You're the one who asked me to be your manager. If you don't want me, then I'm sure Jett Stetson would be more than happy to take your place."

"Hey!" James looked up with a determined face, though was still half a sleep, "I am way prettier than him."

"Then get you're pretty little butt out of bed!"

"Can we at least skip the gym? Just for today?" James groaned pulling up his shirt to show off his toned muscular stomach, "My abs are already amazing."

Katie just rolled her eyes as she walked out of the room, "Damn it Diamond! The shoot is in three hours! Get that pretty little ass of yours out of bed and down to the gym."

James groaned throwing a pillow at his manager, but complied. If it weren't for her, he would have had to pack his bags and taken a bus home to Minnesota. Luckily the eighteen year old knew what she was doing. Before James had even recovered, she had agencies knocking down his door wanting to get a piece of James Diamond. Of course being a part of the former boy band who spent over a week lost in the wilderness and thought to be dead after an ill-fated plane crash didn't hurt and she knew how to use the exposure to his advantage.

Ten minutes later and he was dragging himself into the Palmwood's gym. Katie was walking around, scoping out new possible clients. Though James was her first priority, it didn't hurt to have a list of potentials on standby when and if clients were looking for fresh new faces.

"Took you long enough," she growled handing him a bottle of a thick greenish glob.

"What's this?" he asked unscrewing the top, smelling it, only to scrunch up his nose in disgust.

"Your breakfast."

"I'm not drinking that."

"James, you've put on five pounds in the last month," she whispered.

"I know," he groaned trying not to think about it, "It's from the doctors making me rest and not having any dance rehearsal and not-" he stopped. The last part was too painful as he thought about his three best friends he no longer had to play lobby hockey with or swim in the pool with or just roughhouse with. If it weren't for Katie, he'd be alone.

"Just drink your breakfast and get to work. You have an hour in here, then a half hour to shower. Your stylist will meet you in your apartment before we go to the shoot. Then you have an interview at noon, lunch with a new possible agency at one, then another shoot at three-thirty. An interview at five, dinner with your Mom at seven, then if you're a good boy I might let you go to bed by nine. Then it all starts up again tomorrow at five. Not five-fifteen. Five!"

"I'm changing my locks!"

"I'll have Buddah Bob make me a key," she smiled knowing she had the Palmwood's janitor wrapped around her little finger.

"Sometimes I think you're meaner than Gustavo!"

"I've made you more money in the past three months than Gustavo made you in three years!"

James smiled. He knew she was right, but there was one thing Gustavo allowed him to have that she didn't. Ok, so more like three.

Refusing to think about them any longer, James set to work around the gym.

His muscles were sore by the time his workout was complete. He didn't if was the lack of conditioning or from the injuries he sustained from the crash. It had been three months since they had been found and the doctor had given him a clean bill of health over a month of ago, but for the past few days, his right side seemed tender than it had been in a while. Maybe all the additional workouts that Katie had insisted he add to his schedule were getting to be too much for hid healing process.

After ignoring his manager's time restrictions and taking a long relaxing hot shower, James stood in front of the full-length mirror and observed himself. He let his hair grow out once again so that his auburn locks fell into hazel eyes. He watched as a droplet of water fell from the tip of his sodden hair, down his naturally rosy cheek, through the unshaven scruff on his chin before dropping to his bare chest. From there it continued its journey straight down the line between his pectoral muscles, a straight shot to his belly button. Just when he though it would disappear into the hole, it took a sudden detour to the right, swinging around the navel before it ended up on the right line where his pelvis formed the 'v' trail before being swallowed up by his towel.

He still looked like the same James Diamond on the outside, but on the inside he was screaming. This wasn't him. This wasn't what he wanted. If he had to choose, he'd rather be back in the woods, lost from civilization.

He cringed as a sharp pain ran up the back of his right side. Biting his lip, he gingerly touched his ribs, closing his eyes and ignoring Katie as she called out for him.

_"James! James! Can you hear me?" _

_The voice was fuzzy and far off. He had to strain just to hear it, yet he couldn't tell who or where it originated. James struggled to open his eyes, but the light was so bright, it sent a pain through his head so fierce that was sure he blacked out again. _

_When he came to, the voice was louder, but still muffled. He felt something cold brush across his forehead and could sense someone lingering over him. Slowly, he inched his eyes open to find a blond angel hovering above him. The angel was beautiful, with shimmering green eyes, rosy red lips, golden hair and a halo that glowed brightly around its head. _

_James smiled goofily at the celestial being as he reached his hand up and touched its soft cheek, "A-am I d-dead?" he stuttered._

_"No," the voice answered flatly. James could clearly see the being's lips moving, but it sounded far off, yet there was familiar tone, "But I think you're delusional. You've must of hit your head."_

_The being shifted his position, no longer blocking the sun, making James cringe as the light blinded him. He closed his eyes, rolling to the side to avoid looking directly at it only to regret the decision when a sharp pain shot through his side._

_"Yea, I think you may have bruised a few ribs. Maybe even broke them." He looked up to see the being had moved into the shadows and was sitting under a tree, "I'm fine by the way. Thanks for asking. I only managed to pop my fucking arm out of its socket. Hurt like Hell, when Carlos popped it back in. He's fine too: broken wrist and sprained ankle. Logan on the other hand," the blond stopped and stared past James. "He's alive."_

_"Where are they?" _

_"About a quarter mile back that way," Kendall tilted his head in a direction. "Carlos has been looking after Logan since he can barely walk and he didn't want you to be left alone. I tried to move you, but you're too damn heavy for me to lift with my shoulder fucked up. So I've been going back and forth."_

_"Back and forth? How long was I out?"_

_"Two days."_

_"Two days?" James repeated in shock. "Why hasn't anyone come looking for us?"_

_"Look around James. We're in the middle of nowhere! No one's going to find us out here."_

_James glanced around for the first time at their surroundings. Kendall was right. They were in the middle of nowhere. Everywhere they looked, trees and pieces of wreckage surrounded them. The only clearing where the sun penetrated the canopy was the section above James where the tips of the trees were broken off by where he assumed the plane had crash. _

_"Do you think you can walk?" Kendall asked suddenly. "I don't want to leave Carlos alone in case something happens."_

_James stared at him curiously, "Something happens? We were in a goddamn plane crash. What else could possibly happen?"_

_"Just get up," Kendall groaned grabbing a hold of James arm. He wasn't harsh, but he wasn't gentle either as he helped the brunette stand to his feet. James swayed, the blood rushing to his head as he stumbled backwards, Kendall catching him before he could fall. "You all right?" he asked, cringing as pain shot through his injured shoulder. _

_James nodded and went to push him away, but the blond wrapped an arm around his waist and guided him through the woods. _

_"James!" Carlos exclaimed happily at the sight of the brunette being lead into what appeared to be a makeshift campsite. "You're alive!" _

_The Latino jumped to his feet and hobbled his way over, throwing himself into James' arms, the brunette so elated at the welcoming that he ignored the gut retching pain his ribs cried out. _

"James! Are you alive in there? Or what?" Katie's voice carried through the door bringing James back to reality. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. He sighed, giving himself one final glance in the mirror before turning towards his closet to pick out his clothes to wear.

"I'm coming!"

**Author Note:** I hope you guys like way I decided to write this with the flashbacks. This way we can get right to the Mpreg, but you will still get to see everything that happened in the woods, little by little through flashbacks as things in James' life triggers the memories.

Also I know not too much happened in this chapter, but I want you to get a sense of what James' daily life is now that he is out of BTR. You will see present day Logan in the next chapter or so and drama will start to reveal itself!

Please tell what you think! It's not too confusing is it? Should I just go back and do it scene by scene? and what do you think of Katie? I've never had her as a major character in one my fics before.


	3. Pain

**Author Note: **Thank you everyone who has reviewed/favorited/followed/read! I'm so glad you guys like the flashback idea! Now we can jump right into the mpreg (which we will get to in the next chapter ;) ) but still see the whole plane crash survival.

I hope this chapter answers some of your questions that you have asked in your reviews (annabellex2, you asked why Katie wasn't on Kendall's side... you'll see why!). We'll get to answering some other questions later on!

Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Pain**

"Great job James, now give me a pout. That's it! You're beautiful! Simply beautiful! Now sexy, James! Sexy! The camera loves you! Gorgeous! Now, I want to see love. I want to see passion. I want you to look deep into the camera as if its the most beautiful women in the world and you have fallen madly in love with her and you can't take your eyes off of her."

James stared blankly at the camera. He was at a loss for the photographer's directions. He could do sexy, pouty, gorgeous, lovable, sad, angry, and desirable; he could do them all, but love? He thought he understood that word, but now he wasn't so sure. As he stood there, starring at the camera trying to picture the scenario the photographer had envisioned for him, only one face had come to mind and it wasn't making him feel any love.

"No, no, no James!" the photographer called out in his thick accent as he lowered his camera, "That isn't love! That is- that is nothing really. I want to see love! Now go."

Again, James stood there, awkwardly, as the photographer continued to click away until he couldn't take it anymore, "Marco," he finally called out, "I think I need a break."

The photographer was a little disappointed, but agreed, "Five minutes," he demanded before shouting out commands to the rest of his crew.

James sighed, closing his eyes as he took a towel and a bottle of water that was being offered to him, wiping the sweat from his brow, he thanked the assistant before walking off the set, an annoyed Katie following in his wake.

"What is with you today?" she huffed powerwalking to keep up with his long strides. "We're way behind schedule as it is. I already had to call and cancel dinner with your mother and she wasn't happy about it. Do you know how scary your Mom is?"

James nodded. He knew all too well, "I'm sorry. I just don't," he took a sip of water, chugging half the bottle in one gulp, "feel that great today," he finished, trying to catch his breath as he grabbed his side that was still in pain from this morning.

"Are you alright?" Katie's stern features turned soft as she switched suddenly from manager mode to sisterly mode as she noticed James wincing in pain. "What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself in the gym this morning? Do you need a doctor? Should I call Mom?"

"No, don't call Mama Knight," James insisted. "It's just my ribs. I think I might be pushing myself too far with all the exercising."

Katie frowned, "This is all my fault. I've been pushing you too far."

"Katie it's not your fault."

"It is," Katie's brown eyes welled up as her bottom lip began to tremble. "Kendall was right. I'm not ready to be a manager. I was just so pissed when he wouldn't let me manage his hockey career. So when you asked me to manage your modeling, I thought I could prove him wrong, but I've pushed you too far and now you're hurt again."

"I'm not hurt again. It's not like you pushed me out of another air plane," James pulled the small girl into his embrace, ignoringthe gut retching pain his ribs cried out_. _

_James released the Latino and took a good look at him. His wrist was in a makeshift splint made out of tree bark wrapped in what James recognized to be strips of one of Kendall's flannel shirts. His clothes were torn up, revealing his ankle, which was swollen and purple. He remembered Kendall mentioning that it was sprained. Though there was a smile on his face, the spark his eyes were gone. They were lifeless as his chocolate eyes shifted continuously from James to the form lying on the ground near the fire as if something would happen if they strayed too long._

_James' eyes widened at the sight of their fourth band mate. Holding his side, he stumbled over to Logan's lifeless body and fell to his knees, reaching out for his hand. _

_"He's alive," Carlos said quickly, hobbling back over to his original position beside the brunette. "We know he hit his head, but other than that, we don't know what's wrong. He hasn't moved or woken up."_

_James looked over the smaller brunette. Other than a large gash over his left eye, he looked unscathed, "I've been out just as long. I'll sure he'll wake up soon, too."_

_"You woke up a few times," Kendall spoke for the first time since they arrived at the camp. James looked up at him and really took in his appearance. He looked tired and worn, like he hadn't slept in days, which he probably hadn't. He was cradling his injured arm close to his chest as he sat high in one of the trees above them, looking down into the camp as if he were watching over them. "Even when you were asleep you were mumbling something or moving around. You were never this still."_

_Carlos' sniffed, catching James' attention, "Kendall's afraid he might be paralyzed." James had no response. How do you respond to news like this? Instead he looked down at the brunette, praying in his head that he was all right. That his eyes would open. That he would speak to them again. "You must be hungry," Carlos said through his tears. James looked up at him, trying to mask his own sorrow. "Kendall, get him some food."_

_Kendall stared down at the Latino for a moment, but he didn't argue. Instead, he slowly made his may out of the tree, branch by branch, until his feet hit the forest floor, "Peanuts or pretzels?" he asked with faux cheerfulness as he entered into what was left of the cabin of the plane. _

_"Pretzels?" James questioned rather than stated. _

_The blond emerged a moment later with three bags of pretzels, tossing one over to the Latino and one to James along with four bottles of water, "These are the last of the water," he frowned as he sat beside Carlos. James watched as the two of them worked together, Carlos carefully holding Logan up slightly, while Kendall dripped a small amount of water into his mouth; just enough to hydrate him without drowning him. "It's getting too late tonight, but in the morning James and I will go search for water in the morning. There's got to be a lake or some stream nearby. Do you think you can walk?"_

_"I'll be fine, we just need to take it slow." _

"I'm not hurt again. It's not like you pushed me out of another air plane," he tried to joke, but the accident was no laughing matter to the small girl. She had almost lost all four of her brothers that day. "I'll be fine, we just need to slow-" he didn't get to finish as a sudden pain shot up his back, making him cringe. The pain was so harsh there was no way to mask it like he had been doing all day.

"I'm taking you to the emergency room," Katie declared pulling away from him as she pulled out her cell phone. James opened his mouth to protest, but the brunette put a hand on her hip and gave him a look that reminded him so much like Mama Knight and no one argued with Mama K. "Get dressed. Get your things. I'll meet you in the car in fifteen."

As usual, Katie was fifteen minutes right on the dot and after arguing with the receptionist, she was able to get James into a room to see the doctor right away.

"James stop fidgeting. You're going to be fine," insisted Katie as James kept starring around the sterile white room at the beeping equipment remembering the last time he was stuck in a hospital.

"I don't like doctors."

"Then stop getting hurt!"

"Yea, because I can control this awful pain in my side!" James snapped back sarcastically. Katie rebutted by sticking her tongue out at him playfully as an older middle-aged redheaded nurse walked in with a cheerful smile.

"All right, and who do we have here?" she asked glancing at the chart in her hand, "Mr. Knight?" she asked looking up at James who sent Katie a glare. "It sent here that you are experiencing some pain on your right side?"

"Yes," Katie answered for him. "He was in a plane crash three months ago and broke his ribs. We were wondering if there was a possibility he could have reinjured them?"

The nurse looked over at the young brunette, "And you are?"

"Katie. Katie Knight of Knight Management."

"Are you his wife?"

"No!" James answered quickly. "She's my-"

"Sister," Katie finished. "I'm also his talent manager."

The nurse nodded as she pulled on a pair of latex gloves, "Alright then. The triage nurse already took down your basics so, Mr. Knight, I'm going to have you take off your shirt for me, please," James did as he was asked, cringing as he threw his shirt at the brunette, "All right, now lay back and tell me if this hurts," the nurse began to gently press her fingers along side James' abdomen, then his ribs. It wasn't until she reached his back that he started howling in pain. "Alright, Mr. Knight. I don't think it's your ribs, but I'm going to order an ultra sound to be sure."

"An ultrasound?" Katie asked.

"I'm pretty sure we can rule out appendix and gallbladder since those are located up here," the nurse demonstrated by pointing towards the front of James' pelvic area, "But I think we may be looking at kidney stones or a kidney infection, which is why you are experiencing the pain in your lower back and right side," she explained. "An ultrasound will show us more," she smiled writing up the paperwork and handing James a hospital gown to wear. "I just need you to change into this and Mitchell will be up to take you down to radiology."

**Author Note:** I know I promised present day Logan in this chapter, but I lied. Sorry, but he's in the next! Lot's of him in the next! so the next chapter is when all the big things start to happen! yay! Please tell me what you think. :)

Please check out my latest beta story by called **What Hurts the Most, **_After a tragedy leaves Logan, alone as a single father of an infant son, will Kendall be able to get Logan to love again? _A/U, Slash, Lomille/Kogan/Jarlos, Mpreg.


	4. Diagnosis

**Author Note: **As always, thank you to everyone who reads/reviews/follows/favorites! you guys are awesome! I just want to say that my mind is so enthralled with this fic, that Ive already started working on noted for a sequel! I know it sounds a bit crazy, but I couldn't help it, and Im really excited for it! I think Im more excited for the sequel than this fic!

Anyway... there is no flashback sequence in this chapter, so the next chapter will be a full flashback sequence!

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 4: Diagnosis!**

James waited until the nurse left the room before turning on Katie, "Knight? James Knight? Really?"

"You are an ex pop star turned super model who was in a plane crash three months ago and was lost in the woods for over a week. Do you really want the press to get wind that James Diamond is back in the hospital?"

"Good point, but did you have to use Knight?"

"What's wrong with my last name? You're practically family," Katie pointed out. "Now shut up and get your dress on," she teased throwing him the hospital gown.

James sighed as he pulled the gown on and slipped his pants off from underneath, throwing his jeans at his manager. She was right, as usual. It wasn't her last name that was the problem. It was someone else who had the same last name that was the problem, but she didn't need to know about that. She couldn't know about that. No one could ever know about that. James was taking that secret to his grave. There was no way in hell he would ever tell anyone what happened.

There was a knock before the door opened. "Alright, I'm Doctor Mitchell. I'm an intern and I'll be escorting you down to radiology," came a new cheerful voice. A male walked in dressed in a white doctor coat. He walked with a slight gait, the chart held up as he read it, blocking his face, "James Knight," he chuckled. "That's funny. That's two of my best friends' names. James Diamond and Kendall Knight, but I haven't seen either of them in three-" the man stopped as he lowered the chart and hazel eyes met chocolate. "James?"

"Logan?"

"James Knight? Really?" Logan rolled his eyes. Tossing the chart aside. He didn't need the stupid chart. He knew everything there was to know about the towering brunette.

James glared at the petite brunette girl who stood in the corner with her arms crossed over her chest, "I was just trying to give you some privacy, OK? Next time I'll use Logan's last name!"

"Katie!" Logan smiled happily holding out his arms for the eighteen-year-old who gladly accepted the offer, hugging back.

"What are you doing here? I thought you got that internship at that fancy surgeons hospital in Malibu?" Katie said pulling away.

Logan's face fell momentarily, before he put on a fake smile again, "I lost it after the accident. With my- injuries, I couldn't handle the program, but I got accepted here, which is a great opportunity," he insisted, though his eyes didn't shine as bright as they did when he talked about the other hospital.

"So you're not a doctor?" James asked surprised by the news as he watched Logan wheel in a wheel chair.

"I'm still a medical student to become a doctor, but I can't be a surgeon," Logan explained gesturing for James to have a seat in the chair, "But oh well, right. We can't all have what we want in life. I just need to pick out a new field, which is why I'm working radiology today. So you get to see me at work," he beamed adjusting the footrest and making sure James was comfortable before throwing a blanket over his lap.

"And we get to see James' insides!" Katie bounced to her feet as she began to follow them out of the room.

"Not you," Logan shook his head, turning around to stop her. "You need to stay here."

Katie pouted, crossing her arms over her chest as she sat down in her chair in the corner before Logan wheeled James out of sight.

"I see you've been keeping busy," said Logan as he wheeled him through the halls. James craned his neck to the side to look up at him, raising an eyebrow. Logan laughed, grabbing a stack of magazines off one of the racks in a random waiting room they passed through before tossing them into James' lap, "I don't know who's face I see more, you or Kendall's?"

James thumbed through the stack of social and athletic magazines. Logan was right. It seemed like James was in every other ad while Kendall was on every cover of every athletic magazine. The patient paused for a moment on an article containing a photo of the blond hockey rookie, his stomach dropping at the sight of the blond actress pictured with him. He wanted nothing more than to rip out the picture and tear it up to a million tiny pieces until her face was nothing but a lost memory, but Logan's presence stopped him. He knew the intern would question him and he didn't want to talk about it.

"Here we go," Logan smiled wheeling him into a dark room filled with a large computer and an uncomfortable looking flat bed. A doctor sat in a chair typing into a computer, but spun around as they walked in.

"Ah, Mitchell. Who's our next victim?" he smiled over his bifocals.

"Dr. Right, this is my best friend James," Logan introduced.

"Wheeled him down all this way and already you two are best friends?"

Logan laughed, "No, really. We've been best friends since grade school," he reiterated. "Alright, Buddy, we're going to have you lay up on here and pull up your shirt," the intern instructed patting the uncomfortable looking table. James obliged, allowing Logan to adjust him properly. This wasn't as uncomfortable as it would have been if someone other than Logan was the one touching him in all these odd places. He was even more relieved when Logan threw the blanket over his lap to cover up his exposed bottom half. "You alright?"

James nodded, "Ready to get this over with."

"That's the spirit Mr. Knight," Doctor Right laughed glancing through James' chart making, hazel eyes roll at the sound of the faux name while Logan chuckled. "Alright Mitchell, gel him up!"

Logan took out a bottle and held it over James' bare abdomen, "This might be a little cold," he warned with a wink before squeezing it onto his skin. James shivered slightly as the gel hit his flesh, leaving goose bumps up his arms as Logan pulled out funny looking instrument that resembled he called a wand.

"Alright Mitchell, let's start at the appendix and work our way up. I want to make sure we don't miss anything."

Logan took the wand and used it to spread the gel a bit, before pressing down slightly as he moved it across James' lower abdomen, just to the left of his pelvic bone. He paused for a moment, looking up at the doctor. Doctor Right hit a few buttons on the keyboard before signaling him to continuing. They continued this process through a few more organs until Logan's wand grew close to James' stomach, just south of where the pain was originating.

"Whoa, hold up a minute, Mitchell. Go back just a few centimeters to your left," the doctor ordered. Logan obeyed trying to see the screen from his position, James craning his neck to look too, but neither could see as the doctor typed rapidly on the keyboard before consulting James' file once again.

"Something wrong Doc?"

"James, how far along are you?"

"Far along where?" James questioned.

The doctor looked at him before shaking his head, "Mitchell, let's take a look at that kidney." Logan moved the wand further up James' side, the patient cringing as he the pressure from the wand made the pain even worst. The doctor typed a few more things into the keyboard, printing out a piece of paper before getting out of his chair. "Mitchell, can I see you out in the hall for a minute?" Logan looked worried. He looked down at James who was still covered in goo before looking up at the doctor, "Leave it. It'll only take a minute."

James laid quietly, trying to listen in on their mumbled conversation, but nothing made sense. He forced himself up onto his side so that he could see the monitor, but to him it looked like a black and white blur. He was beginning to freak out when Logan returned to the room, alone, holding the small printed out paperwork that the doctor had given him.

"Good news," he smiled, though James could tell it was forced. "We know what's causing the pain. It's nothing life threatening and there's nothing to worry about."

"What's the bad news?" James questioned sensing he was holding something back.

"We can't give you any medication for it," James stared at him in confusion. "You have an inflamed kidney, but nothing to worry about. You just need to rest and put some heat on it."

"What's causing it? Is it from the plane crash?"

Logan gulped taking a seat at the doctor's vacant chair. He typed a few buttons himself before grabbing the wand, "James, have you ever-" he started but hesitated, "are you-" he pressed the wand to the right of his stomach and stared at the screen for a moment lost in thought. Logan pressed a few buttons before a steady beating sound could be heard through the room. James listened closely, completely confused.

"Is that my heartbeat? In my stomach?"

Logan shook his head abandoning his previous question, "It's a baby's heartbeat."

"Why are you listening to a baby's-" before James could finish his question, Logan swung the monitor around so that it was facing James. Even through the black and white blur, he could easily make out the unmistakable outline of baby. "Is-is that still me?" he stuttered already knowing the answer.

Logan nodded with the hint of a real smile tracing his features, "Yea, James. You're pregnant. The baby is kind of relaxing against your kidney. That's why it's inflamed and we can't give you any medication because of it," he tried to explain, but the information just went over James' head as he continued to stare at the screen. "Considering the development of the baby, I'm going to estimate that you're around thirteen weeks."

Thirteen weeks. James didn't need to do the math in his head. He knew exactly how long it had been. Three months. He just hoped Logan didn't take the time to realize exactly when and where that time was. If he could figure it out, anyone would be able to then everyone would know what happened in the woods.

"I –I can't do it. I can't have this baby. Not this baby. I can't be pregnant. I can't do this on my own."

"Alright now," Logan said pressing a few buttons before removing the wand and handing James a towel to wipe himself off with, "Relax. We'll talk about this."

"You can't tell anyone, Logan. You can't! Not even Katie!"

"James, don't worry. I won't say a word. Patient/doctor confidentiality."

James cleaned up his stomach and sat up while Logan put away the equipment.

"Let's just settle down and talk for a moment. As a doctor, this is the part where I need to go over your options," he explained as he took a seat on a chair in front of him. "I know you think you made up you're mind already, but I have to say this to you. It's my job. Just please, listen to me, alright?" James nodded, though his head was in a whirlwind.

"There are four options. Keep the baby and raise it yourself. Closed adoption where you give it up for another family to raise. Opened adoption where you will be able to be in contact with the adoptive family as your baby grows up, or abortion where you terminate the pregnancy. Though I must warn you that since you have already begun your second trimester that surgery will be required to do so."

"I want the last option," James answered immediately. "Please Logan. I can't do this. You have to help me," he pleaded.

Logan sighed as he looked into the hazel eyes. It was hard to say no to him. There was so much he wanted to talk about. So many questions he wanted to ask. He thought he knew his best friend, but after today, it was evident, there was very little he truly knew about him.

"I'll call and schedule your appointment on one condition!" he gave in.

"Anything!" James agreed.

"I'm taking you to it."

James nodded throwing his arms around the intern as he cried into his shoulder. Logan nodded, patting him on the back, "Get in the wheelchair so we can get you up to Katie. We'll tell her about the kidney and that you to rest, but we'll leave this little detail out."

"Thank you," James wiped a tear from his eye as he sat down in the chair, Logan throwing the blanket over his lap.

"Oh, before I forget," Logan pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to James, "Doctor Right printed this out before he left."

James looked at the piece of paper to see a black and white blurry photo of a baby, his baby.

**Author Note: **Not sure if I like this chapter. Didn't turn out the way I wanted it too. But oh well. What did you guys think about James decision?


	5. Decision

**Author Note: **Thank you to those who read/review/follow/favorite! Enjoy!

**Chapter 5: Decision**

"Why can't I just take you?" Katie asked for the forth time still not getting the fact that James simply didn't want her there. She sat on his cross-legged texting as he dug through his closet trying desperately to find something to wear. He made it look as if he was having trouble deciding when really it was the matter of finding a pair of pants that would fit around his growing waist.

"Katie, we went through this. Logan is taking me." He pulled out a pair of sweat pants. He hated wearing something so casual in public, but he really had no choice. Luckily he was James Diamond and James Diamond could make anything look amazing. Not to mention today was a day he really did want to try to blend in anyway.

"If he's your doctor, shouldn't he already be there? Isn't that the point? You go there. He examines you. He clears you to work again. Katie's a happy agent to have her star model back and the world is right once more."

"Today he's not my doctor, but my friend." James explained from inside his walk-in closet where he stood for a moment, examining his abs, hiding the truth from the brunette of what lied beneath them. The connection the baby created between the two of them. Sighing, he pulled up the sweat pants before throwing on a random shirt and walking out of the closet.

"Logan is taking me to a specialist friend of his to be sure that everything is perfect and that the emergency room didn't miss anything." James half-lied. He was going to a specialist, just not the type of specialist he told Katie he was going to. "He wants to make sure I'm perfectly healthy so nothing like this happens to me, _ever again._"

"Fine." She pouted as a knock echoed through the apartment

"Can you get that? It's Logan."

The agent glared at him, but amused him. Stomping her feet as she left him alone in his room to answer the door. James hurried over to his nightstand and opened it up, pulling out a small photo. He stared at the grainy sonogram for a moment before looking up at a photo above his bed. It was framed poster of the band from their first album. All four boys were smiling, their arms linked together. Logan and Carlos were on the outside, Logan while James and Kendall were together in the middle. Back when everything was the way it was supposed to be. They were together. No one was alone.

"Then again, I'm not alone, am I?" James smiled looking down at his stomach, placing his hand over it, biting his lip as he stared back and forth from the photo in his hand to the photo on the wall.

"James?" Logan's voice broke him from his thoughts as the older boy knocked on the door. James didn't bother to move from his stance as he told him to come in. He heard the door creak as Logan let himself in, closing the door behind him. "You ready to go?"

_"You ready to go?" _

_James groaned with a yawn opening his eyes a crack to see the blond towering over him. "Five more minutes," he said rolling back over and snuggling back into Carlos' warmth. The night in the wilderness had been so cold, even with the fire blazing all night, the four of them were forced to huddle together to keep warm. Kendall and Carlos had managed to find a few blankets from the mangled plane, but the material was thin and did little to keep out the cold. James wondered how he managed to not freeze to death those few nights he had been unconscious out in the woods on his own. He had asked Carlos, but the Latino nearly shrugged, stating that Kendall had been watching over him. _

_"Come on James, we need water." James looked up surprise that the Latino was already awake. He was sitting up, changing Logan's bandages. He looked tired and worn, like he had gotten little sleep, though James wouldn't be surprised. He himself barely slept at all. It wasn't easy getting to sleep on the cold hard ground with sticks and rocks digging into your back. Not to mention every time he moved, he felt the harsh pain of his ribs shoot up his side._

_"Get your ass up. I don't want to leave Carlos here on his own for too long," Kendall snapped, throwing a satchel on the ground beside James before walking away. James sat up watching the blond walk away. He looked at Carlos, wanting to say something._

_"Go, I'll be fine. I have Logan." Carlos tried to smile, but failed as he looked upon his unconscious friend. "But hurry. He's going to need water, too." _

_James nodded, staggering as he used a tree branch to pull himself up onto his feet. He picked up the satchel before walking in the direction Kendall had disappeared in, but the blond was nowhere in sight. He finally found him relieving himself behind a large oak tree. James joined him silently. _

_"About time you decided to catch up," said Kendall zipping up his fly. He picked up his bag and pulled something out, tossing it to James when he finished. "Breakfast."_

_James nodded his thanks, tearing open the bag of pretzels and eating them as he followed the blond through the woods, "Do you have any idea where we are going?" he asked after a while of silence. _

_The blond looked at him before shrugging, "When I was up in a tree, I saw a small river. It looked to be about two miles or so north of our camp."_

_James was quiet again as he continued to follow, the pains in his side increasing as they began a slow steady ascend up a small slope. Trying to mask the pain from the blond, James bit his lip, wincing as he followed behind, but Kendall's ears eventually picked up on the small intakes of breath._

_"You're ribs are hurting." It wasn't a question. _

_"I'm fine."_

_"James, don't lie to me," Kendall said shaking his head as he threw his bag to the ground and sat down on a large boulder. _

_"What are you doing?"_

_"We're taking a break."_

_James wanted to argue, but the look in Kendall's eyes told him otherwise. Instead, he sat down opposite the blond and looked around. They had only been gone for no more than a half hour and James had already made them stop. Maybe Kendall would have been better to have gone on his own. He wanted to express this, but instead he said, "Thank you."_

_The blond looked up at him from digging around inside his pack. "For what?"_

_"For taking care of me when I was unconscious. Saving my life."_

_Kendall shrugged, brushing it off as if it were nothing as he continued to dig through his pack. "What did you expect me to do, let you die?" James was silent. Kendall's emerald eyes shot back up at him, but James' eyes were anywhere, but. "Seriously, James? You'd actually think I would let you die?"_

_"We haven't exactly been on the best of terms, lately."_

_"So? Just because I'm beyond pissed at you, doesn't mean I'd let you die. Would you just let me die?"_

_James didn't even hesitate, "Of course not!"_

_"Then why would you assume I would?"_

_"I don't know? After everything that's happened, you're still treating me like shit!"_

_"Because I'm still pissed at you!"_

_"Kendall, I'm sorry ok! I'm sorry for everything! I didn't mean to screw up. I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I wish everything could go back to the way it was."_

_"Look around, James! We're in the middle of fucking nowhere! Logan is dying! There is no going back! We're all going to die out here!"_

_James opened his mouth to retaliate, but no words came out. How could you respond to something so pessimistic? Kendall was always the one who looked on the bright side of things and here was condemning them all to death."_

_"If we're all going to die, then what's the point of us out here finding water? Why did you bother saving me the first time? Why are we, Kendall? Why?"_

_"I don't know?" Kendall shouted back. "Hope that maybe one of us will make it out alive? The higher the number the greater the chance? Now lets find this fucking water. I don't want Carlos to be alone when Logan dies."_

_"If we're going to die anyway, can you at least forgive me?" James pleaded. _

_Kendall bowed his head shaking his blond locks, "I'm not ready to give in, James. Not yet." _

"I'm not ready to give in yet either," James whispered to himself.

"What was that?" Logan asked.

James spun around, tears in his hazel eyes. "I can't do this, Logan. I can't do it."

"I know, James. That's why I'm here. That's why we're going to the clinic."

"No, Logan. That's not what I mean," James cried throwing himself into Logan's arms. "I want it, Logan. I want to keep the baby."


End file.
